At the risk of starting my beautiful new writing space on a negative note, I have to say 2013 wasn’t my favorite. Far from it. While, I’m typically one of those annoyingly positive people with bright eyes and a passion for every single minute of my life, the paranoid side of me suspects 2013 existed purely to push me down, wake me up and quite simply put into question everything I’ve ever believed. While professionally, BHE grew and we created some of our most beautiful work to date, personally, I was simply attempting to maintain as I pushed through the greatest loss I’ve experienced in memory. If every year has a theme, 2013 was definitely the year of healing, humility and ultimately vulnerability, as I could not have gotten through it without swallowing my pride every. single. day and asking for help at every turn from friends, colleagues and occasionally even strangers. It’s not quite distant enough for me to be grateful for all the year brought me, but I’ve been reassured someday I’ll look back on the year as one that taught me the most. Either that or with utter bitterness, but the renewed positive, 2014 Beth, is going with the former :). With this being said, I’ve never been so happy to see the above sunrise this morning. While a new year can’t change everything at the stroke of midnight, it can offer you a new start. A chance to close doors and begin new chapters. An opportunity for a whole new theme.
During my year of healing, I did all of the typical things one does to “heal”. Journaling, counseling, coffee and wine with girlfriends, manis, pedis, exercising. More wine. More coffee. You get the picture. But a funny thing happened. After months of doing what I needed to “take care of me,” I no longer felt like I was healing and instead felt like I was just being indulgent. I had gone from a person whose life revolved around the happiness of others to one whose life revolved around doing whatever I needed to do to be happy. And, guess what? I wasn’t happy. For me, and I actually venture to guess for many people, my happiness stems from service. I am the happiest when I’m giving to others. When I’m sharing my gifts. When I see a tear in my bride’s eye when she enters the room I’ve created for her. When I hear the mother of the groom say “this is one of the best days of my life.” These are the moments that make me happy. I did everything everyone said I should do. I pampered myself beyond comprehension. I took time off when I needed it. And unplugged as often as I could. But in the end, I felt a little bit empty and a whole lot lost because I didn’t realize the very thing that I was taking a break from, serving others, was the one thing that brings me the most joy. So, with a little self awareness and a whole lot of hard work, I’m making the theme of 2014 “Generosity”. My mission for this year will revolve around ways which I can grow personally and professionally through the act of giving. When you’re in a fog of self pity, it’s easy to forget the gifts that have been bestowed upon you. For me, I was given so many wonderful gifts from my creativity and aesthetic eye to my patience and empathy to my attention to detail. These gifts and many 80 hour work weeks have allowed me to excel in a career I love. Not many people can say that and I’m ashamed that I took these things for granted as I indulged in ice cream and manicures. Gifts are meant to be shared. It’s as simple as that. And in my case, my gifts also allow me to generate financial stability for both myself and my team. Wow. Wow. Wow. Seriously, how lucky am I? But in 2014, I want to take it one step further and use my gifts to be generous on a different level. I have set some major, major goals for myself all with the mission of generating resources for organizations that I believe are making huge impacts in both Los Angeles and throughout the world. And, I cannot wait to use my gift for generosity instead of indulgence. While I refuse to bore all of you beautiful couples or design geeks out there who might not be interested, for those of you who are, please check in by clicking on Soul Work in the above menu, every so often. There I’ll be sharing more about my personal journey through my year of generosity. And, in turn, hope to inspire each of you reading to use the gifts you’ve been given to look at the world beyond yourself and give until it hurts. Or, more appropriately, until you’re happy. I wish each of you a glorious 2014!
The above image was taken by little, ole’ me and is from my Instagram.
